Pieces Of Eight
by stalkymcgee
Summary: Iruka has never been much of a dog person, but it seems nobody mentioned this to one mentally disturbed Ninken, or its even more disturbing owner either. Slow burning KakaIru.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Pieces Of Eight

Summary: Iruka has never been much of a dog person, but it seems nobody mentioned this to one mentally disturbed Ninken, or its even more disturbing owner either.

Notes: Mm wet dog smell. This will be a sort of situational comedy I think, possibly very lame. I couldn't find any canon sources for the other seven of Kakashi's dogs besides Pakkun so I've had to trust to the questionable accuracy of several baby naming websites to give them titles. I'm not even fluent in fangirl Japanese myself, so feel free to point and laugh if I've managed to choose something stupid or inappropriate.

Updates will be slow ((And I'm afraid there are no pirates in this story, despite the title, but uh, there is an eye patch in the first chapter, if that helps..))

Unbeta'd. Badly spelled. Boys making googly eyes at other boys.

Rated T for slobber and such.

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Chapter 1: A Long-suffering hero.

Step. Hop. Step

"Damn.. it-!"

Step step, pull, hop. Step. Wobble.

If there had been anyone else around that evening in Konoha to watch the man's halting progress down the street they might well have thought him engaged in some complex dance rhythm. He moved in a strange pattern of jumps, taking two or so forward before taking one back and beginning the process anew. A closer look, as it was hard to spot in the dark, would have revealed a big black object waving madly in front of him, apparently propelling his odd movements.

As it was, the weather meant that any (relatively) sane ninja had been wrapped up safe and warm inside hours before, leaving no one to observe the interesting spectacle he made.

Step, Step. Lurch. Step, tug, sway.

"You're.. not.. going anywhere..!"

The stormy season descended on the fire country in a blinding torrent each year, usually without much warning or consistency, while some shinobi could reproduce the weather, predicting it accurately was still a mystical blind spot. Heavily laden clouds would suddenly squash in over the forests, eager to make up for time lost the rest of the year, and speedily turned the land into a watery haze that wouldn't abate for several very long months. Furthermore with the rains came the inevitable gale force winds ripping through the village to make sure that everyone got the optimum amount of soggy in the time allotted, and having off with a loose headband or two for good measure.

Currently the same fiendish wind was attempting to relieve Iruka Umino of his brand new umbrella as he made his way home from the missions tower, well past the official closing time as usual.

He clung onto the handle for dear life, charging chakra through his feet to keep himself from being lifted into the sky by the force of the squalls. Even in the midst of his struggle Iruka couldn't help but congratulate himself on an excellent choice of water shielding accessory, as any lesser brolly would surely have been blown inside out long ago - but his stayed firmly in shape - and if only he could have kept it over his head instead of flailing out in front of him for a second he was confident it would have supplied excellent rain cover.

He would have to remember to courier one to Naruto when he got the chance, Iruka doubted there had been much room for waterproofs in the boy's pack, or anything else at all really after that month's supply of microwave ramen he had watched him load in.

Next moment thoughts of his absent ex student were driven away as a particularly strong gust sent him veering sideways into a hedgerow, which did at least halt his progress into something more solid, like the house beyond, but didn't do much for the state of his already bedraggled uniform.

It was times like this that Iruka could Ialmost/I regret living right on the outskirts of Konoha, he was in fact one of the only single ninja he knew of who had a house, well a somewhat dilapidated bunker turned bungalow actually, rather than an apartment.

As his colleagues reminded him frequently; it was considered a bit of an oddity to have such a distinctly civilian style living arrangement, and especially since it meant forgoing the safety of the central shinobi housing, where any intruder was faced with at least sixty different kinds of trapping before they even got through the foyer.

But Iruka felt, for the majority of the time, that his little chunk of space was what kept him more or less functioning even when things got 'difficult' (a difficult day for a Iruka being things like 'One of my new students has the monster that murdered my family living inside him' or 'my best friend just tried to kill me and said student', occasionally 'Did I just publicly contradict a (known quack pot) Jonin?' and more recently 'giant snakes have squashed half the village/ is that pile of rubble my classroom?' Iruka was very glad he had never tried for Jonin, he could only imagine what difficult days looked like for a _high-level_ ninja).

His father had been a big nature lover and converted the little home himself before Iruka was born, having bought it cheap off of the village council after a jutsu gone wrong blew out the roof and made it a rather inefficient storehouse. Most of Iruka's memories of him involved some long-winded speech on the rewards of being one with the forest - his zest rather disquietingly reminiscent of Guy-sensei now he came to think of it, he knew that the taijutsu master's own father and Iruka's had been fairly good friends when they were genin and he had even seen his dad do the swirley thumbs up of triumph on occasion.. was youthful exuberance catching? Iruka made a note to steer extra clear of spandex, just in case.

Personally he found the nice view of the trees from his window and the odd weekend's hiking was quite enough for him, but he took the point all the same, his father had always been (manically) happy while he was alive after all.

So trying to muster up thoughts of how his long journey home was really a blessing in disguise, Iruka disentangled himself from the shrubbery, that was definitely too much oneness, and headed back out into the brunt of the storm.

Step, hop, step.

A really good disguise.

hop hop, trip, stumble. Hop.

An _excellent_ disguise.

Hop, hop, slide, stagger.

Award winning even.

Shiver, hop, jump.

With a corroborating fake ID if anyone asked.

Hop, twist, hop, lurch, hop.

Probably its own mother wouldn't have picked it out of a blessings line up.

Jump, hop, slip..

"son of a-!"

..splat.

Iruka mentally added mud to the list of stains (coffee, ink, kiddie snot, super glue and scorched Play-Doh - don't ask) he could look forward to scrubbing out of his uniform before work the next day as he sprawled on the floor.

All right, so maybe it would have been more sensible to just close the damned umbrella and make a run for it.. but then it was like the weather had _won_ ..not to mention it would make the last half hour he had spent wrestling with his new apparel completely pointless.

He turned to glower down at the umbrella, which he felt really could be doing more to help out, other than just lolling half submerged in the puddle where he had so fortuitously landed, only to start in surprise.

There was a large swirl of red mixing into the murky water.

Had he managed to injure himself slipping over? Cringe. But his pride protested that his ninja-ly senses would have noticed something like that. Iruka twisted around trying to find the blood's source but he couldn't spot any obvious wounds.

So then that meant..

He rose up onto his knees stretching out his senses, eyes straining against the obscuring rain as he searched for the small sparks of old chakra that shed blood gave off. Across the path in the flowerbed growing along the other side he glimpsed the tell tale blue flare.

By now his struggles had brought him to the district where the forest started to creep up on the village as it neared the mountains foot and the outer wall cut through the trees for the last few miles until it met its end at the rock face, creating an enclosed woodland within the village boundaries.

The blood trail led away under the shadow of its twisting branches.

Iruka hesitated. The fluid was fresh by the feel of the residual chakra and as he moved closer to the path's edge and spotted at least three more large pools it became clear that whoever had spilt it must have fairly extensive injuries - and if they continued to move around it wouldn't be long before they bled themselves to death.

Did he have time to alert a medic-ninja? When they got back to the scene the trail might have gone cold, and there was something else about the chakra pattern that worried him, at first glance it seemed to indicate a shinobi but the underlying quality felt a little off, abnormal almost. He couldn't risk letting whoever, or whatever it was go unchecked while it was still inside the Konoha borders.

With a small curse and a silent promise to continue his foray into meteorological warfare later on, Iruka set off after the phantom chakra source.

The air between the trees felt hot and close around him, a jarring change from the wild gale outside and Iruka could actually smell the blood now. He unconsciously raised his guard as he leapt from branch to branch - even if they were injured he wasn't about to wander up from a venerable position if they were a potential enemy - but the streaks of red and luminous blue on the grass below were getting steadily wider as they moved deeper into the forest. At this rate he would be lucky to find whoever it was still breathing, let alone in any condition to attack.

He kept a note of the direction as he followed, the trail didn't appear to be moving purposefully to or from the wall, which likely meant the person either didn't know the area well or was so disoriented that they were no longer capable of finding their way effectively. Neither option boded particularly well for them, or Iruka either for that matter.

After further consideration he paused for a moment to lace a few exploding tags on a close cluster of trees, it was possible that there was more than one ninja involved or this was some kind of bait, and recent past events had taught him to always err on the side of caution (that or face another giant shuriken to the back anyway, and damn if those things didn't sting something horrid).

A suitable exit strategy in place should things get nasty, he moved on into the growing heat and crush of the canopy. The trees were getting taller and thicker all around, coated in huge sprawling creepers and tiny winding flowers, freshly bloomed. The lesser forest flora was thriving off of the excessive rainfall (well at least someone was) as even the oldest and greediest trees couldn't suckle away such vast supplies of water unaided. The branches underfoot were almost completely green and distractingly slippery. The sounds of gorging insects buzzed in his ears, making it difficult to listen for movement ahead. Iruka's muscles were soon tense and coiled with frustration, he was just about ready to cast a minor wind jutsu to blow the little creatures out of the way when the trees abruptly thinned to open air as he reached the edge of a small clearing.

Just as abruptly an overpowering foreign chakra pulse hit his senses.

The shock of it caused Iruka to let go of his umbrella, which snapped open and went sailing away across the clearing as a heavy gust of wind rocked the tree where he was perched. Well, so much for a stealthy entrance. His eyes followed the trail of blood as it ran onto the open grass and felt his breath catch slightly as he saw what was lying at its end.

Down on the forest floor opposite him was huddled a dog, a huge mass of dusky yellow and white tussled fur with a horrible gaping wound stretching across its side, quite visible even at a distance, blood streaming freely. The scraps of a shirt hung on its back, probably slashed in battle and around its neck glinted a leaf headband, bright silver shining in the dark and identifying a comrade in need.

It also had the biggest fucking teeth Iruka had ever seen.

Not that he wasn't already convinced, but the creature _had _to be severely injured to allow its chakra to be leaking out so unrestrainedly, the sheer volume made Iruka's head spin. He could tell that it was a ninja-dog of considerable power to be loosing so much and still be alive, but that wouldn't last much longer if it didn't get help. The dog's chakra supplies might be indefinite but its blood was most certainly not.

As the umbrella whizzed overhead the dog's slanting black eyes snapped up and trained immediately on Iruka's spot, a wide snarl spreading over its blood crusted muzzle.

Shit.

Cautiously Iruka dropped down into the open, lifting up a pacifying hand and wondering what the best approach would be. There were those old adages about cornered animals and not staring an angry dog in the eye.. or was it don't _not_ stare an angry dog in the eye? Darn it. Even if he could remember that may not assist him here at all, this was no ordinary dog, a fully trained Ninken might well have intelligence equal to or even surpassing his own and wouldn't give a damn where he was looking when he got up close if it had already decided he was an enemy.

Iruka watched as it flailed and twitched on the ground, trying to get up but clearly too exhausted to support itself. He inched closer as it continued to struggle and growl, its head waving from side to side, mouth beginning to foam.

"I'm a leaf, ally - I'm an ally" Iruka called out, pointing hopefully at his headband as he shuffled yet closer, attempting to look as non threatening as it is possible for a person in full ninja garb to be.

The dog's eyes rolled back alarmingly in its head as a terrifying snarl ripped from its throat, the message couldn't have been clearer; stay back or you'll be sorry. This was not good, though it plainly knew someone was nearby, the dog seemed completely beside itself with pain and showed no sign that it was processing his words.

"Its OK, its ok. I can help." Iruka used that special voice reserved for coaxing children out of locked supply cupboards and toilet cubicles as he stopped just short of the prone creatures position and crouched down to its level. "I'm not a threat"

The dog lunged forward, jaws snapping for Iruka's throat but it flopped down before it could make contact and succeeded only in rolling onto its wounded side, causing further spasms of pain to wrack its battered body. There was no way Iruka was getting close enough to stop the bleeding while that mouth was still in action. And if he knocked the dog out its chakra flow would no longer support any ruptured organs and it would be dead before he could get it anywhere. Damn and double damn.

"Come on help me out here" Iruka muttered as it's pained howls subsided into silent twitching. "You've got to calm down" the dog seemed to focus for a second and glared up him before striking out at his leg with a large (very clawed) paw.

"Oh hell" Iruka sighed, there wasn't time for this, every second he wasted more blood was spreading over the wet grass under their feet, more of its life force draining away. He had to act _now_.

Bringing his arm up into a shield position across his chest Iruka shuffled forward clenching his jaw in resignation. 'Please don't let it be faking how weak it is to throw me off, getting mauled to death by a colleges summon would be way too embarrassing for words'.

As soon as he was close enough the animal reared up again and sank its teeth deep into his forearm pulling a strangled yelp from the chunin as the animal shook it's head from side to side, apparently trying to wrench the limb right out of its socket. He sucked in a steadying breath through his nose, willing himself not to struggle as flesh shredded and something in his shoulder made an unpleasant snapping noise. Luckily as a ninja who had lived into his twenties, which going by plain statistics was in itself an impressive feat, Iruka was no stranger to injury and had experienced enough of the pain before not to panic. And it hadn't bitten the arm clear in two, so it probably wasn't faking.

"There, happy now?" he gasped out as the dog stopped its shaking and simply snarled up at him with his arm still trapped in its mouth. Its key weapons now otherwise engaged Iruka gingerly brought his free hand down to the dog's side and reached out his chakra to the damaged area, using basic first aid skills to clot over the wound and feed extra strength into the creature's body. He felt the dog's chakra entwining with his own, tasting its intent, testing for danger.

"See? I told you - No threat. Now you've got to try and keep some of the blood in yourself" Iruka mumbled, trying to ignore the ache from his now probably dislocated arm as he continued to work on sealing over the wound. He assumed that the dog had reached the point of fatigue where control of its own chakra had lapsed, causing the massive leaks he had been overwhelmed by when he arrived. But maybe if Iruka could feed a sufficient amount of his own into its body the animal could recover enough to at least stabilise the damage for a while.

He felt the dog's grip loosen and looked up from his work to see it release his arm, which flopped rather disconcertingly at his side, and watched Iruka with a slightly less menacing look in its beady eyes. Iruka gave it a weak smile.

"Well this should help you a little but I'm going to have to move you - understand?" he told it, hoping to any god listening that it did, he really wasn't keen on the idea of having the thing bite him again if he tried to lift it.

The dog let out a low growl but lowered its head - in resignation maybe? Well it seemed that Iruka's chakra had made it a little more lucid at least, if not that much friendlier. Iruka rubbed at his scarred nose as he looked the creature over again, trying to figure out a way of moving the limp body without further injuring it (or himself)

"Ok" he said to the forest in general as he got to his feet and moved around so that he was at its back, thinking it would be a lot easier if he could still use both arms.

The dog turned to peer over its shoulder at him rather haughtily, if that was even possible for a dog, and not looking overly sympathetic to his plight. Scowling in return Iruka crouched and slid his arm underneath its stomach, feeling a wince shake through its skin before it shifted a little to snarl at him.

"Sorry - This is going to hurt whatever I do" Iruka said brusquely before hefting the creature up and slinging it over his good shoulder with a grunt. It was a lot heavier than it looked. He wobbled and thought for one horrible moment he was going to collapse under the extra strain, but as he swayed backwards he bumped into the tree behind and was righted. With a sigh of relief he leaned there for a moment panting and trying to muster up the strength to move.

It seemed he was a lot more tired than he had realised, that or he was just getting out of shape, but he still refused to believe that teaching pre-genin could possibly take less effort than regular missions - you were definitely at a higher risk of bodily harm on average, Iruka had made a graph and everything.

So maybe Raidou was right and he _had_ been over doing the late night paperwork recently, not that he was going to tell him that, last thing the special jonin needed was a reason to justify his chronic bossiness.

Meanwhile the dog had taken to clawing at his back, not pleased with being squashed against the rough bark and ignored.

"Just try to focus on your chakra circulation" Iruka wheezed irritably. He still didn't know for sure that the dog could even understand what he was saying but at this point was rather beyond caring. "I'm going to take you to people who can heal you properly" or he hoped they could..

The dog started to shift against him and Iruka felt the muscles in its stomach twitch and contract. "What?.." but his question was answered for him when the animal made an violent retching noise and Iruka felt something warm splatter down the back of his flat jacket as the smell of vomit filled the night air. ".. you really want to get left here to die don't you" the chunin muttered as he felt the dogs head slump weakly against his back.

At the rate things were going he would be in need of a whole new uniform before the evening was over. As he leapt forwards into the gloom of the forest once more, dangling canine in toe despite his threat, Iruka wondered if he would have time to get to the quartermasters and back before school the next day... or would he just have to rely on the rain to wash the worst of the stains off? Oh phooey.

Weather 2 Umino 0.

The Inuzuka, as fate would have it, were one of the few clans that like Iruka happened to reside on the outskirts of the village, though more out of necessity than choice since not many villagers would be happy about a pack of Ninken lapping the town centre for their daily exercise, and lets not even go into the whole dynamic marking issue.

At any rate the sprawling complex was only a stones throw away from the point where he had first left the path to follow the blood trail, and was therefore only a short journey. Admittedly it did feel a lot longer with ninety pounds of nearly dead weight to carry though, especially since this particular weight continued to drool and puke up on him at intervals throughout the trek. Add to this the fact that having lent a great portion of his chakra supplies to the dog in order to keep it conscious, and the lovely mangled arm he had received for his trouble, Iruka was looking in pretty rough shape himself by the time they reached the towering chakra bolstered fence that marked the edge of the Inuzuka property.

Wearily Iruka tried to remember which direction the main gates were, not liking the odds of survival, or his general sanity, if he had to walk the whole perimeter before discovering it was two paces from his arrival point.

He knew he should have learned that night vision jutsu Ebisu had offered to teach him… but at the time he hadn't been able to shake the feeling that it had probably been invented for rather dishonourable purposes, and declined on principle. Now with low chakra and on the fringes of collapse, Iruka wouldn't have cared less about the perverted nature of the jutsu's source, provided it got him into the compound faster.

Going by the pulse of the dog's chakra, things were getting a little desperate.

"I don't suppose you know which way we should go?" he asked the bloodied mass of fur on his shoulder, as much to check it was still alive as in any hope the animal would have the answer.

It let out an odd gurgling sound deep in its throat but otherwise offered no inspiration.

"Isamu's a brat, He wouldn't speak to you even if he had the energy," a low voice intoned somewhere off in the darkness.

Iruka found himself swallowing thickly as a hulking form moved out of the shadows towards them.

It was another dog, though especially in the poor light, it looked closer to a wolf. It had a shaggy mane of black fur rising along its back as if rankled and a crest of opposing white slipping away under its belly, glowing against the dark. Most noticeable of all was the eye patch however and it brought a smile of recognition to the teacher's lips.

"Kuromaru" He sighed in relief, bowing to the Inuzuka matriarch's principle summon.

"Sensei, I smelled you arrive," he said simply. Iruka decided it probably wasn't meant as an insult, he supposed for a dog smelling was always the first sense to activate, even when their visitors weren't as impressively pungent as he knew he must currently be.

"Ah please excuse the intrusion Kuromaru-san, but this dog, do you know him then? - He's badly hurt and needs medical attention," Iruka said in a rush, acutely aware of the chakra signature next to him becoming fainter and fainter by the second. "Please"

The dog was giving him what could be considered a rather calculating stare "..Yes I know him" he said slowly then, eyes finally moving off of Iruka he tossed his head back in a long rumbling howl that split through the night, the strength of its chord so potent that the chunin felt himself stumbling backwards under the strain of it, ears ringing.

By the time he had recovered the great animal was already turning away from him and melting back into the darkness "Follow me"

Feeling slightly bemused (and creeped out) at the odd behaviour but non-the less extremely relieved Iruka staggered off after him, muttering vague reassurances to the dog on his shoulder as he felt it twist and whimper. "Hang on.. just a little bit further"

Somewhere up ahead he heard Kuromaru snarl.

When they reached the compound entrance they were greeted by a very sleepy looking Kiba, who held the huge gate open with one hand and a snoring Akamaru in the other, careless of the rain soaking through his oversized paw print pyjamas. Upon seeing them however he dropped the little dog in surprise.

"I-Iruka-sensei!" he goggled "What happened to you?" down on the floor Akamaru, rudely awakened, bit at his master's ankle in retaliation. "Ouch! That hurt you little shit head!" the dog dodged away as Kiba aimed a kick.

"Hello Kiba, Akamaru. Um it's a bit of a long story" Iruka winced out "I-"

"There's no time" Kuromaru cut across him "Kiba take Isamu from Iruka-sensei and help him inside" he barked curtly.

Kiba stuck his tongue out at the senior canine as it stalked past them and away into the gloom beyond the gate, then turned back to grin at Iruka. "Here hand him over Sensei, don't worry I'm way strong now, I can carry him easy" gratefully Iruka slid the dog's now completely motionless form into the boys arms trying his best not to upset the creatures wounds further, then followed after him and the sulking Akamaru into the Inuzuka complex.

The immediate area inside the fence seemed to be made up mostly of open land, large grassy areas were illuminated under torchlight as they made their way down the dirt path towards the only building Iruka could spot in the dark, presumably the main house. He had never been inside the Inuzuka property before, like most specialised clans they exercised a sizeable amount of paranoia concerning their techniques and weren't exactly welcoming of idle guests. Seeing it for the first time in the middle of the night while injured wasn't how he would have preferred to finally get a look - but Iruka couldn't say he still wasn't curious.

Tsume Inuzuka had been one of the more hands on mothers at the academy, visiting almost daily to chat with Kiba's teachers about his progress (much to the boys embarrassment) and Iruka had always liked her blunt but approachable manor. It was certainly a refreshing change from the Hyuugas or the Aburames, who at times made chatting with his desk feel more rewarding.

The spectrum of clan diversity with the village was one of the many things Iruka could never fail to be fascinated by, and as something of a enthusiast when it came to Konoha heritage he was eager for any information concerning clan history and protocol - probably because he had gotten to know what felt like so little of his own before it was wiped out - though of course with most established shinobi families such matters were a well-guarded secret. Tsume had again been slightly more willing than usual to indulge the chunin in the vaguer aspects, pleased by his interest but was still quick to cut him off when she decided a question crossed into plain nosiness (something Iruka was liable to do fairly frequently he knew)

Iruka wished he were in a state to better appreciate the rare chance he had been granted as he stumbled along in the dark, but the pain in his own body had become somehow more pronounced in the dogs absence and he was still worried that he hadn't got the creature there in time to save him, so his curiosity was sadly derailed.

The doors of the main house were wide open as they approached, spilling warm light across the grass, Tsume and Hana Inuzuka both stood silhouetted on the porch speaking in quiet voices with Kuromaru. It seemed that his howl earlier had raised most of the household, Iruka saw shapes moving behind the windows and noticed the Haimaru Triplets lazing just out of the glow under the awnings, looking quietly alert at the (almost) unexpected arrivals. He couldn't help but feel slightly nervous under their suspicious gaze, having learned so recently how powerful a Ninken bite could be, and he shuffled quickly passed up the steps to greet the two Kunoichi. However before he got the chance Tsume spoke.

"We understand the situation Sensei, we need to move quickly, please come inside"

Kiba had already budged past his sister and mother into the hall taking the injured dog with him. "He doesn't look good" he called worriedly as they all followed.

"Like you would know" Hana jibed going to his side and running a careful hand over the dog's head "You haven't completed any of the veterinary jutsus I assigned you last week.

"Ehe now's not the time to talk about that stuff," Kiba said quickly, casting a sheepish glance his mother's way before elbowing Hana in the side.

"The little punk's right for once" Tsume sighed "Lets get him onto the table, is he carrying Hana?"

"Yeah Ma, important one too I'll bet"

"Alright lets move it"

Iruka tried unsuccessfully to follow their increasingly cryptic conversation as they moved into a large airy room to the left of the entrance hall, filled with medical cabinets and a large steal table at its centre, on one end of which sat a tray of very sharp looking chakra instruments. Kiba set the dog down and moved away, giving his mother room to work. The Kunoichi ran her hands over its fur in much the same way Hana had, as if searching for something, then stopping at a point on his back she moved her hands in a series of unfamiliar seals and pressed down on the spot muttering something under her breath. Immediately the until then unresponsive dog reared up and shuddered, its mouth stretched wide and its tongue pushed backwards in its throat, looking like it was going to choke itself, before with a sudden flush of chakra unravelling once more to reveal a sealed scroll, which fell with a dull clunk onto the table as the animal slumped down again, last strength spent.

"Kiba take that to the night clerk" Tsume ordered quietly, hands moving back to the creature's body with a slight frown. Kiba snatched up the scroll wordlessly and hurried out of the room with Akamaru at his heel to get the message delivered. Iruka hoped vaguely that the boy was aware he was still wearing his pyjamas.

"Hana you take Iruka-sensei to get cleaned up, I need space to operate"

Iruka followed the younger Inuzuka out into the hall where she directed him to a chair before disappearing off into another of the many rooms with promises of a clean shirt. He sat stiffly in his seat feeling very out of place, he wondered if he should have thought to check if the dog had a message on him when he first discovered it, or was that the sort of thing only a summoner would know? Either way he felt out of his depth and very very tired. He resolved to sign up for some extra medical training as son as possible, so he wouldn't be as useless the next time. Imagine if it had been a student who was hurt.. he had barley been able to do anything for the dog at all and its chances for survival now looked doubtful judging by the expression on Tsumes face as they had left. Iruka scrubbed his cheeks with dirt-coated fingers as if the motion might wipe his insincerities away.

"Here you go Sensei" he looked up to see Hana smiling at him, offering a wet towel in her outstretched hand. Her usually painted face was plain and unadorned, presumably because she had been sleeping before he arrived, it gave her a much softer and somehow more expressive air than he was used to seeing from the stoic kunoichi.

"Ah thanks Hana-san" he sighed, taking it and dabbing vaguely at his own face, not really cleaning much of anything.

"Looks like you had a bit of a rough night" she said slipping into the chair next to him and crinkling her nose slightly as she took in his soiled uniform - the fresh jumper she had brought along with the towel was placed neatly on her lap while she waited for him to finish.

"Hm I think the dog had a worse one" he said as he started to pick bits of twig out of his ponytail.

"He's lucky you were there, I didn't know you were that close with Hatake-san"

"Hatake-san?" Iruka repeated blankly, then realisation dawning "You mean.. you mean that dog is Kakashi-sensei's?" he said in some shock. Then it really was powerful..

"You don't _know_ Isamu? - he hasn't met you before?" Hana was now looking at him in something akin to horrified awe.

"Err no, not that I know of, I mean I've met Pakkun once but Kakashi-sensei doesn't usually summon inside the village does he? I just found him in the forest on my way home, sort of.." he trailed off at her disbelieving stare.

"But he can't have been unconscious for very long or he would be dead already" she said "How the hell did you manage to get near him without…" her eyes swept over him again and settled on his injured arm, seeming to notice its oddly disjointed angle for the first time. "Sensei you're hurt!" she hesitantly pulled up his wet sleeve and felt the globs of blood that had soaked the inside of the fabric and saw the thick bite wounds spanning his forearm. "Sensei" she repeated, half amused half reproving as Iruka lifted his good arm to ruffle at his already matted hair.

"Oh yes, I was going to say, only everyone was so busy.."

When Hana merely continued to gape at him Tsume's exasperated voice floated through the open doorway to their left "Oh for god's sake Hana call a medic-nin before the idiot passes out on our floor or something will you!"

Iruka hung his head in embarrassment, half wishing he already had.

* * *

To be continued- 


	2. Chapter 2

So as promised, the update was hella slow in coming -.-' I was a little distracted what with Naruto morphing into soft core yaoi overnight and all..

Thankyou to all you shiny folks who left me a review, they really make my day -_coddles fragile ego_- And I'm glad people are sharing the ninja dog love because there's lots more of them to come. Please note that this chapter turned out just as tangent filled and kind of heavy on the swears, Kakashi and Kiba are a bad combination. Still unbeta'd and gramatically challenged.

* * *

Chapter 2: The not quite cavalry.

Kakashi's feet barely touched branch before he was on to the next jump, navigating the forest with a practised ease and at a pace bolstered by the knot of anxiety in his stomach. Up ahead Pakkun was a chocolaty coloured blur in the leaves; racing after the smell they had picked up nearly half a day before out on the fire country borders.

The smell of Isamu's blood - which luckily unlike a simple scent trail resonated enough for the pug to trace even in the rains, however faint.

Kakashi's hands curled tighter around his drawn kunai as he moved, unable to completely control the particularly interesting brand of fiery rage blossoming somewhere in the back of his skull, a development which usually meant someone was going to end up with a chidori sized hole in their chest. The feeling had been growing steadily with every mile they covered, a dull background pitch to boil his thoughts out.

When was the last time Isamu got so much as scratched? He couldn't remember, it had been that long ago.

To think of the Ninken as vulnerable caused him pain in some very involved and well.. _complicated_ ways that he didn't quite feel like allowing himself to understand, but to think of him dieing alone in a dark corner somewhere was down right unbearable. And it wasn't going to happen. They would find him first, Kakashi had _decided._

Pakkun made a little signalling noise and dropped downwards to the forest floor as they reached the Konoha barrier.

"He made it home" he pug said blandly, clearly he wasn't allowing much hope his fellow Ninken had made it any further.

"He's strong" Kakashi muttered as they mounted the wall, less than shadows under the guard's gaze, and were soon in the village and flitting across their team mate's track completely undetected - there wasn't time for the formalities of a check in.

"So was the attacker" came the little dog's answer as his nose twitched in the wet air and altered their course accordingly.

Pakkun could be so depressingly realistic, and here he certainly had a point. From what they had found in the forests spanning the journey home Isamu's assailant had forced him into a drawn out game of cat and mouse (pardon the phrase), from which he had barely escaped with his life, and still might not yet.

More disturbing was that neither Kakashi or any of the dogs could identify the mystery nin's country or allegiance in the scents left behind, let alone figure out how they had known where to lie in wait to ambush Isamu.

Kakashi had dispatched him ahead with a message barely minutes after obtaining the valued information that had been their mission goal, while the rest of the pack stayed behind to 'clean up' - it had appeared Isamu got the more pleasant of the two tasks, though in hindsight apparently not.

The ninja must have either been stalking them all along completely undetected, indicating an S class criminal of unknown power (by which Kakashi meant possibly more powerful than himself, but preferred not to say it) was loose in the fire country.. or that the person had just got extremely lucky.. and still had to be at the very least dangerously unstable to attack a Ninken of Isamu's level for what? The hell of it? assuming they were unaware of the scroll..

Whatever the truth, they were going to be sorry. Kakashi had _decided_ that too.

Right now however the first priority had to be discovering whether the Konoha information chain had been breached, and that meant finding Isamu, as it had already become obvious they didn't stand a chance of following the ninja responsible by the non existent scent trail. It seemed whatever else this nin was they knew a thing or two about tracking. But Kakashi would find them some other way, in or out of a mission parameter, though he expected Tsunade would be more than willing to oblige him it as an official duty once he reported the news. Considering Isamu had almost been taken down (almost Kakashi told himself again) any number of lesser Konoha summons were also at risk, if messages were being targeted.

Their speed increased as Pakkun lead the way through the familiar wind of the commercial quarter and down a series of back alleyways, at first it seemed that Isamu might have been heading for the missions tower but then his course began to waver and double back on itself, loosing any clear sense of direction in the darkened Konoha streets.

"What's he playing at?" the pug muttered in irritation as he was forced to turn and retrace his steps for the fourth time in a row. "He could find the way home in his sleep.. even if he was dieing he would still get himself back to that squat you call an apartment.. normally" his little round eyes were dark and serious as he looked up at Kakashi.

"We don't know anything for certain yet" the copy nin murmured, using his own well-trained nose to keep following where Pakkun had left off. Here where the prevailing scent of people overhung everything a Ninken's earthy musk stood out a mile to those who knew how to look. "We find him first"

"You're the boss" Pakkun bounded up ahead again and Kakashi knew without looking that his droopy face would be drawn into a scowl. Temperamental little bastard - and he had the nerve to say Kakashi was bad at coping.

They moved on in silence for a while, following the missing dog's wanderings back and forth through gardens, under rubbish bins (well here Kakashi pretty much supervised, even he wasn't that bendy) and up behind market stalls until both man and dog were fuming in silent frustration.

"Of course it is entirely possible.." Kakashi panted as he shimmed up a convenient drain pipe to follow the trail's abruptly vertical course onto the roof of a shabby apartment block ".. that he has chosen to spend his final hours pissing us off"

Pakkun gave an amused grunt as he waddled across the tiling. "That sounds about-" but he stopped short and scrabbled up a few paces before dropping his head in a growl "Kakashi"

The jonin moved up to see a puddle of blood staining the brickwork, smeared thin by the rainfall but not completely washed away because of the curve of the rooftop

"Damn"

Ninken instinctually used chakra to reroute blood flow away from an injured area whenever possible, meaning that they could carry on moving over fairly large distances even while wounded. If you discovered more than a few drops of their blood at a time it was a pretty clear sign that the dog was reaching its psychical limits.

"The moron wore himself out on that little village wide jaunt" Pakkun was grumbling to himself "Its old as well, at least four hours - maybe more"

Kakashi cursed under his breath and hurried to the roof's edge, single eye staring out over the Konoha skyline. A little tinge of blue was growing under the dark horizon, indicating a fast approaching sunrise (or cloud rise, the storms weren't showing any sign of moving off even if the rain had lessened to a drizzle for the moment) soon there would be enough natural light to search by plain sight as well. Fat lot of good it would do them if all they had left to find was a corpse.

"Come on" Pakkun called as he hopped to the next roof "The trail's heading outwards again, it will be just our luck that he wandered back out of the village in his stupor"

Kakashi followed without comment, wondering for what felt like the hundredth time since they started this search why on earth Isamu hadn't simply ended his summon and returned to the Ninken homeland when he was first attacked. Getting a scroll back quickly was of course important, but the chance of it being taken if he was captured or killed trumped that any day, and while Isamu's mind worked in sometimes _unorthodox_ ways he wasn't so reckless as to run that risk needlessly. Something had happened to skew his judgement, probably the same thing that currently had him roving pointlessly around the village. The whole situation made Kakashi nervous, but without knowing more there was nothing he could do. They just had to find him quickly and get some answers while the dog was still (hopefully) in a condition to give them.

Pakkun paused as they crossed one of the main footpaths leading out of the village proper, as far as the copy nin could tell the scent trail lead off into the woods beyond in a pretty direct course. He gave the dog a questioning look.

"There's a fleeting fresher trail overlapping the first," Pakkun muttered, shifting to try and clarify the information his nose was sending him. "It's Iruka-sensei, an older scent and a newer one.. which is mixed with Isamu's" he blinked and snuffled along a little before letting out a heart felt. "..what the hell?"

Kakashi stiffened, a sudden leaden feeling settling in the bottom of his stomach. "Which way does it go?"

"The second one is heading east over the training pitches" Pakkun scratched distractedly at an ear with his back leg ".. Inuzukas?" he wondered aloud.

"Could be. But still.." Kakashi tried to imagine a scenario where Isamu would be with the chunin-sensei, everything he could construct involved one of the pair being dead or very near it, and (luckily) he didn't think Isamu would drag a kill around afterwards, however out of it he was. "..Follow" he decided at last, teeth gritting.

As they sped after the new trail in no small amount of trepidation, Kakashi couldn't help fearing the worst for his errant Ninken.

Were they too late?

Recently he had been making a rather nasty habit of that.

* * *

Kakashi knew the route to the Inuzuka home like he knew the especially explicit chapter thirteen of Icha Icha paradise volume one, and that is to say, he knew it very well indeed. 

The few moments of his childhood that were not occupied with death and duty were largely spent there, training his future weapons even as he himself was trained to be one. But depressing symmetry aside, his memories of it were fairly pleasant and he was as close to Tsume Inuzuka as he was with anyone in the village, though that is perhaps not saying a great deal. It wasn't exactly that they had grown up together, when he was first introduced to her Tsume was already a self possessed little chunin and grown before hand in enough ways to be reasonably terrifying to the infant Kakashi, who had until then only encountered kunoichi from a safe distance.

Rather she had treated him like one of her more stubborn Ninken in need of some training, and took a then aggravatingly persistent interest in his general welfare when he was left orphaned.

There was a time when she had dragged him in for dinner with her parents almost weekly (often aided and abetted by his sensei) and insisted on keeping him company even at the height of his sullenness. Most distressing of all she had been completely impervious to sarcasm, ending most of their disagreements with a well-aimed fist instead, seeming to think that settled everything.

It has to be said that being consistently beaten to a pulp will leave a lasting impression on a young man (other than the obvious bruising), and Kakashi, being slightly eccentric after all, was left with a vague feeling of affection for his tormentor.

But he wasn't one for crowds and since Tsume had settled into her role as Clan head and begun popping out more little Inuzukas to terrorise the village she was rarely alone, so he didn't see her more than in passing during meetings or in the missions room now.

Not that he ever _missed_ her, crazy woman - like he needed more hassle than he had already, no way, not at all…

As they vaulted the compound fence, brushing the trappings aside like cobwebs, and touched down soundlessly on Inuzuka soil, regardless of his continued concern for Isamu Kakashi couldn't help feeling a tiny bit of the anxiety he had been carrying for the last few hours (days, weeks, months?) ebb away.

Because you know, Kakashi was just as good at fooling himself as he was at fooling everyone else.

The Haimaru triplets appeared almost immediately, it seemed they were expected. Barking out short greetings to Pakkun the dogs escorted them up to the main house - while they were quite familiar with Kakashi, noone was allowed to wander around the complex unsupervised, mainly for their own safety. Isamu wasn't the only volatile ninken in Konoha, just the only one allowed on active duty.

"They say he's here" Pakkun muttered "And was breathing when they saw him arrive"

The triplets were always been such cheerful souls to be around.

Hana was waiting when they reached the door, waving them inside with a tired smile, looking very dishevelled. Kakashi careful ignored the blood stains on the gloves and medic apron she was wearing "Hatake-san we were wondering when you would come - the scroll's been delivered and ma's in with him now, its bad but she thinks he will pull through"

Despite his best efforts, Kakashi's shoulders visibly sagged in relief.

"I'll come and get you as soon as she's done, sorry but I have to get back inside to help" He watched her hurry off again, a hundred new questions already forming but the most important answered. Isamu was here and the scroll was safe. He exhaled slowly as Pakkun tapped absently at the edge of his sandal to get the jonin's attention.

"I'll let the others know if you don't mind, I'm not much more use now anyway"

"Ah" Kakashi nodded and watched the pug disappear in a little puff of smoke. He was left slouching alone in the entrance hall at a loss for what to do next. The adrenaline was still pumping but there was suddenly no use for it, and for a moment there he had been almost sure Isamu was.. he fluffed distractedly at his hair before the thought could finish, no need to get overdramatic about things. He was here, Tsume would fix whatever was wrong, it was all going to be fine.

Then he remembered Iruka.

Oh. Fuck.

If Isamu was alive then by his earlier reasoning that meant..

But Hana would have mentioned if Isamu had happened to be carrying any dead teachers when he arrived surely? And the dog wouldn't have brought _himself_ here anyway, he had never got along with Kuromaru very well and distrusted all his family as a result (not that he ever needed an excuse to dislike people, it was his default response). Besides they had already ascertained that he had no idea where the hell he was going, and Isamu definitely didn't have the kind of luck that would have let him wander into the Inuzuka compound by coincidence. He had probably passed out somewhere, Iruka found him and, being the (mostly) levelheaded chunin he was, had brought him here.

No horrible mauling included.

Right?

RIGHT?

He swore and padded up the hallway in search of someone to allay his new flurry of panic. Hey, just because he was laid back on the outside didn't mean that Kakashi wasn't usually having an internal freak out of some kind, you didn't get to jonin level by _really_ being a carefree mooch (though pretending was a source of endless personal amusement). No, the key to ninja success was just not letting everyone _know_ you were an utter spazz who hadn't been 'off duty' since he was ten and had a paranoid streak as many years wide - which was a lot easier when he didn't have reason to believe someone had been chewed to bits by one of his summons, but Kakashi thought he was handling it quite well all the same.

Shitshitshitshit.

"Um Minoru-san I'm feeling fine now really, you don't have to stay"

"I wasn't joking about that sedative Umino-san"

"I never knew all medi-ninjas were as mean as Tsunade-sama, is it part of the training or somthin'?"

"Kiba! Don't bad mouth your hokage"

"What? I didn't say it was a bad thing sensei"

"Woof!"

"No one asked you Akamaru"

".. Inuzuka-san isn't there, ehem, somewhere else you should be?"

"Nope, I gotta make sure Iruka-sensei's okay (..and we're not allowed in the treatment room anymore, seriously how was I supposed to know those vials were flammable? Sis should label things better)"

"Please both of you, I'm _fine_"

Kakashi peered around the doorway from which the disembodied conversation was floating, feeling relief followed by a side order of amusement at what he saw.

Iruka was sprawled shirtless and semi-bandaged on the floor of the Inuzuka common room looking as if he would like to be anywhere else just about then, but was being held in place by a severe looking medic-nin, who in turn was having to deal with an over excited Akamaru pulling at the hem of his uniform as he tried to work.  
A soggy looking Kiba was sitting cross-legged at Iruka's other side with a towel wrapped around his shoulders, chewing absently at an apple as he watched the proceedings with mild interest.

…So Iruka was still alive, score.

Feeling a little dazed by the pattern of horror/relief his evening was taking, Kakashi waited a moment to see if anyone would notice his loitering, but they all seemed too preoccupied so, feeling charitable, he announced his presence with a suitably blasé "Yo"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Iruka redoubled his efforts to escape the medic ninja's clutches but the larger man was having none of it.

"Umino-san you can't move about yet. The jutsu needs to seal or you might reopen the wound" he medic said in a tone that broached no argument, pushing Iruka back down with what looked like minimal effort. (Konoha medical ninja were famous for their 'let me heal it or I'll break the other one' bedside manner.)

"Ah Kakashi-sensei, I'm so sorry - I didn't know the dog was yours - I hope I wasn't.. I don't know if I - but Tsume-san seems to think he will be ok - there wasn't any time so I just carried him.." Iruka babbled worriedly, becoming increasingly incoherent as the words flowed. Kakashi just stared, lone eye taking in the newly dressed arm, ashen face and the blood soaked cloth lying in a pile near the medic nin's pack. So there had been some mauling.. and Iruka was.. _apologising_? What a fruit loop. He waved a mollifying hand at the agitated chunin.

"Don't worry Sensei I'm sure you did your best" he said vaguely, wondering how it was that Naruto had managed to inherit his first sensei's wild mood swings and heart over head battle strategies yet completely skipped over his chronic politeness, the one quality he would have welcomed in a genin. Sigh.

Kakashi's brain was still half fogged with mission buzz, in that strange place between identities that existed in every shinobi on and off the battlefield. Yesterday he was an emotionless killing machine, tomorrow he would be a sluggish (out of work) sensei once more, but for now he was just floating in the middle, and it was very unpleasant. Even with this distracting if familiar come down however, Kakashi knew that there was something wrong with the information he had just gleaned. Iruka had been attacked but not killed?.. that was, well, an extremely unlikely scenario. It indicated further discrepancies in Isamu's behaviour if nothing else and even though the scroll had been apparently delivered Kakashi suspected there would be more trouble before this whole fiasco was over.

"Umino-san please stop struggling- I'm sorry Hatake-san but I've cast several pain relief jutsus, so he's a bit out of it - _most_ people relax - but apparently he's just even more jittery when he's light headed" the medic muttered "I tried to get him to come back to the hospital but he wanted to wait and find out the dog's condition"

"You should have seen him when he arrived Kakashi-sensei" Kiba said enthusiastically "He was all bloody and tough looking with Isamu slung over his shoulder like it was nothing, I hardly recognised him - it was awesome"

"Thanks a lot Kiba" Iruka pouted (that was an actual pout wasn't it, the little bit of Kakashi's brain fuelled entirely on Icha Icha, the bit that had also approved of the bare chest, observed jubilantly, though the rest of him was too busy to notice) "And there's _nothing_ awesome about getting burned out by a half mile dash" he muttered ruefully.

"Or offering yourself up as a chew toy" The medic frowned, winding another layer of fabric over Iruka's arm.

Offering? Kakashi would have to get the full story from someone once everything calmed down, but for now keeping quiet was probably the best way to go, no need to encourage the already over excitable chunin.

Iruka rubbed at his scar in a trademark gesture of embarrassment "I didn't think, I just had to do _something_ - I wanted to ask you about getting some extra medical training for the academy staff, after this I really think we could all do with a brush up"

"You can come and see me again when you're fully lucid sensei"

"I am Lucid!"

"Then why are you facing Inuzuka-san while you're yelling at _me_?"

"I'm not yelling! And- Eh? Oh sorry Kiba, my visions a bit blurry.."

"And your hearing as well I expect, surround sound right? That's the sedative taking effect"

"I didn't take any sedatives!"

"No - but I injected you while I was bandaging"

"You!.. sneaky.. bastard…Hnmm"

"Such a thankless job" the medic sighed as Iruka, as if on comic cue, slumped backwards in a dead faint. "I'll take him back with me to be safe, but I think he should be fine after a good rest" he informed Kiba as he started to gather his things up.

"Thanks a bunch Doc" the boy grinned "Iruka-sensei's a lot more fun when he's wasted" he added thoughtfully. "Shame he doesn't teach his classes like it"

"You should let the Academy know he won't be in" Kakashi said breaking his silent (entertaining) observation of the trio "Iruka will never stay put unless he knows there's a sub organised" unless the medic planned on re-drugging him whenever he came round.

"Of course Hatake-san, I hope your summon recovers" the medic stood and conjured up a clone to help load the snoozing Iruka onto a waiting stretcher. "You are looking rather fatigued yourself" he added as he eyed the copy nin "I can give you something to-"

"That won't be necessary" Kakashi said quickly. The last thing he needed was the after effects of a sleeping aid when he set out to find Isamu's attacker tomorrow - he was pretty sure he could convince Tsunade to let him go as long as he henged a little to cover his injuries and/or general air of looking like shit. "Thank you"

"Hmm" the medic shot him doubly disapproving looks as he carried Iruka past Kakashi out into the hall "My regards to Tsume-san" he called over one of his shoulders to Kiba as he and the clone slipped out of the still open front door into the half light of dawn.

"Yeah yeah" Kiba came to lean against the doorway where Kakashi still stood unmoving to watch them off. Akamaru had long since settled down to sleep in a chair when his provocations had gone ignored.

They stood in comfortable silence for a moment before Kakashi remembered something vitally important that he had neglected to say.

"Kiba?"

"Yeah Kakashi-sensei?"

"Nice pyjamas"

"… Oh fuckit"

* * *

Hana reappeared while they were in the middle of emptying the Inuzuka kitchens of anything even vaguely edible. Kiba (after returning from a hasty wardrobe change) seemed to think that since Kakashi was a guest he was practically obliged to drag out the biggest pile of food he could carry and help the Jonin eat it, and Kakashi, who hadn't seen anything but ration cakes for going on a week wasn't about to disagree. 

Kiba looked up and mumbled at her through a mouthful of sliced ham, sending spittle flying "ows 'e 'oin'?"

Hana casually smacked him on the back of the head as she passed, sliding into the chair next to Kakashi. "We were able to heal the worst of it, I would say he's damn lucky that the wounds didn't puncture any organs only well.. you better go and have a word with Ma, she can explain it better than me" she told him darkly as she reached over to pour herself a generous glass of sake. "- Kiba you're so grounded for jacking the alcohol cabinet again" she added in an offhand voice as she took a swig.

"Like hell! It wasn't _for_ me, what I'm just supposed to be a bad host? I was raised with better manners than that"

"Oh? you've been hiding them really well up until now"

"That's because I'm not a suck up like some people-"

Kakashi left them swapping insults as he stalked out to the treatment room where Tsume was busily rinsing blood off of her gloved hands at a giant sink in the corner. Isamu was laid out on the table, limp and pitiful looking with large chunks of fur shaved off to better accommodate the healing seals - but at least Kakashi could see by the rise and fall of his bony chest that he was still alive.

"Someone did a real number on him" Tsume growled without looking up "I found multiple senbon punctures along with the shuriken gashes. They weren't aiming to kill Kakashi, it looks like they made hits they knew would be non fatal - at least for a while - like they were just doing it for _fun_" the plastic of her gloves snapped harshly in the quiet room as she yanked them off. "I've never seen anything like this on a summon"

"Were there any poisons in his system? genjutsu?" Kakashi asked as he moved closer and ran a hand through Isamu's fur, hating how he didn't so much as twitch at the touch.

"Nothing obvious but I've taken a few samples to screen, It'll take a while, I don't want to miss anything, but we should know by tomorrow"

"We tracked him home, his trail became very erratic at the end, I can only assume there was a jutsu of _some_ kind involved" Kakashi murmured.

Tsume gave him a crooked grin "Iruka-sensei was pretty lucky to keep that arm wasn't he.. I should offer him a job, seeing him lugging the mutt over his shoulder like a sack of rice was something else"

"Hmm"

A gentle hand landed on Kakashi's shoulder, squeezing lightly "Hey, He's fine, whatever happened he made it out, right?"

"Yeah, thanks for the patch up - can I take him home?"

"That's probably best, if he wakes up here he'll only flip out and undo all my hard work" Tsume dropped her hand and moved around the table to collect several jars sitting on the counter top "Take these for now, just in case, and I'll send Hana round this afternoon to see how he's doing - doubt he'll be up by then though"

He took the medicine in silence, privately thinking that unless he got hold of a soldier pill or two he wasn't likely to be up either. Oh well there would be plenty of time to rest when he was dead, as sensei would say.

Tsume went out into the hall and bellowed until Kiba materialised, chicken leg still in hand.

"What now"

"Help Kakashi get the mutt home, I'm sure you've got buckets of energy after that second dinner" she scoffed over her shoulder at him as she pulled open a box cupboard under the table and dragged out a linen stretcher not unlike the one they had watched Iruka get carried off in. "Make sure he's laid out comfortably with plenty of room, and blocking off the exits might not be a bad plan either"

Kakashi and Kiba held the stretcher level as Tsume eased the sleeping dog onto the fabric, his body flopped inanely, head lolling, and Kakashi felt his anger bubble up again. Two hours sleep, just to make sure he remained standing, then he was going straight to the Hokage. Someone needed to get punched for this. A lot.

* * *

In the darkness of his tiny apartment Kakashi laid Isamu out on his bed, attempting to shift him in a position that wouldn't put undue pressure on his injuries. As predicted, outside the morning had dulled from the initial glow of dawn into another rain cast drudgery of a day. Kakashi was rather thankful for it, sunshine always made his head sting after a long mission, better to be in the shade while he adjusted. 

After inspecting the various ointments and pills Tsume had provided and deciding he knew roughly what they were all for, he hooked down the edge of his mask and bit through his thumb a little more vigorously than was necessary.

The summoning smoke cleared to reveal a much-refreshed looking Pakkun, who immediately moved over to the bed and started inspecting the sleeping Ninken.

"What a mess" he said tersely, snuffling around the healing flesh and dropping a probably unconscious lick on the top of Isamu's head. "Can't leave him alone for a second"

Kakashi flopped down onto the edge of the bed and propped his head up with one fist, pushing up his headband to rub at the sharingan eye with the other. "You have no idea. From what Tsume said the ninja who attacked him was a complete headcase"

"They probably got on like a house on fire"

Kakashi didn't even bother to roll his eyes, being quite used to Pakkun's dreadful sense of humour. And besides Isamu didn't like crazy people anymore than the sane ones, he was very diplomatic that way. "How are the others?"

"Sleeping, lazy sods. Otonashi's leg needs a little attention but everyone else will be work shape whenever. Hachiro's recovering his chakra a lot faster now, he was already up when I got back"

"That's good" Kakashi sighed. Hopefully Isamu would wake up sometime in the next forty-eight hours and then he would be able to end his summon and return home to the far superior care that the other dogs had to offer him. Getting stranded on this side unwillingly was very rare for a high level Ninken. Kakashi mused again that the unknown cause of his befuddlement must also be the reason he hadn't returned already. It was extremely disquieting to think that there was a ninja out there with the ability to basically earth bind a powerful summon and bring it to the brink of death with such apparent ease.

Especially when it looked like they were a few kunai short of a weapons kit.

With nothing else to be gained by continuing to fret, Kakashi settled down on the floor with Pakkun perched still but alert on his chest, read to wake him when needed as well as providing a pleasant warmth, and tried to force out some sleep.

Hopefully Tsunade wouldn't be in a bellowing mood when he reported in; she always seemed to get so grouchy when he put in earplugs and lip-read his way through their meetings.

* * *

To be continued- 


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: You hear that? It's the sound of me utterly failing at life. Buckets of love to anyone still interested in this, it may be neglected but never wholly abandoned. Honest.

Shorter chapters for the win, yes? (win for me that is :D)

Badly spelled, un-beta'd etc.

* * *

Chapter 3: No rest for the wicked

Iruka stretched his linked fingers skywards, very thankful that the movement found both arms still present and able to perform their muscular duties.

Better yet, the dull ache that he now felt suggested little more than a careless leap or over zealous training punch from a student; certainly if Iruka hadn't been there (and felt it) he would never have believed one of these arms had almost been pulled off the night before. Ninja medicine was a wonderful thing.

The chunin sensei was currently basking in a pocket of rain free sky that had opened up just as his class ended for the day. The sun was lucky that Iruka was feeling so cheerful over his non-injury, or it's late arrival would have pushed him into a second bout of Umino V Weather war – 'indoor playtime' is a phrase no teacher can bare lightly, let alone a shinobi one - ninja children's idea of arts and craft is enough to give the most hardened jounin nightmares. Iruka knew that he would probably have to go in over the weekend to clear up the mess, and his uniform now had some really quite unnatural looking stains mixed in with the dog vomit (no he hadn't found the time to get spares) but as long as he still had all his motor functions, and therefore could still throw kunai at the little brats, why stress?

"Come on Iruka sensei there's no point denying it, you told uncle to stop smoking in public again didn't you?"

Oh yes, that was why.

Team Konohamaru had been pestering him about his less than quaffed appearance since morning registration.

Iruka had decided not to give out details of the incident with Kakashi's dog to anyone without good cause; it seemed likely that Isamu's injury would be placed under security clearance as soon as Tsunade-sama was informed anyway. They were already being watched closely by neighbouring villages for any sign of weakness in the wake of Orchochimaru's attack – 'most powerful jonin's summon gets throughally trounced' was just the kind of press Konoha could do without.

However the Third's grandson had taken his silence on the matter as a sign of embarrassing defeat and had spent the whole day making detailed and rather unpleasantly astute guesses as to what could have prompted it.

"Konohamaru you do understand that one of the most important parts of being a ninja is knowing how to keep classified information well.. classified don't you?" Iruka sighed as he watched the terrible trio approach his bench.

"But that's stupid Iruka sensei" the boy snorted, coming to a halt in front of his sensei, arms folded and lip jutting in a parody of his whiskered idle "You loose all the time, what's the point of making it classified now, everyone already knows"

Iruka managed to suppress his eye twitch, but it was a near thing.

"I don't loose _all_ the time Konohamaru I just happen to have had a string of somewhat unlucky..."

"Sure you do! Look Moegi's got it all written down-"

With an official sort of nod from Konohamaru the little girl produced a luminous pink notebook, which she flicked open and began to read aloud with the air of an ANBU debriefer. "Month of the sixth, observations - Tuesday the fifth, 0900 hours: Ebisu sensei beats Iruka sensei five times in genjutsu, Saturday the second, 1204 hours: Lee-kun manages to pin Iruka sensei after two minutes training, Monday the twenty fourth 1416, 1240 and 1423 hours Iruka sensei is caught out multiple times by Hanabi-chan's new mud trip trap jutsu during field day. Month of the _fifth_ observations-"

Iruka tried find comfort in the fact she was executing surveillance skills of a chunin level as Moegi went on to recount his every defeat she had witnessed since entering the academy at age four.

* * *

The rain was still holding off (probably until the next time it would cause him most trouble) as Iruka made his way home half an hour later, most definitely not sulking about his students low opinion of him, if you were wondering. 

The path to his house was blessedly free of blood spatter or dangerous animals in need of assistance, but it still brought his thoughts tripping back to the night before.

He was itching to find out how Isamu was doing, both out of concern and general curiosity about Kakashi and his ninken, but really didn't have any right to go and ask. He and Kakashi had only ever been professional acquaintances, and rather tenuous ones at that. The man had a talent for making people feel brainless and awkward, maybe just to provide a contrast to the Air Of Ultimate Cool (Iruka had taken to capitalising the phenomenon in his head, sure it had to be some kind of secret jutsu) he always managed to exude. Iruka found it rather obnoxious (and it had nothing to do with him becoming twice as brainless as your average shinobi in the copy-nin's presence, really).

Perhaps he could pay the Inuzuka's another visit, as he needed to apologise for bleeding all over their hall anyway, and ask them about the dog's condition in the process. Yes, having Tsume look at him like he was an idiot was marginally more bearable than Kakashi.

…That would have to wait until tomorrow though since he _really_ needed to get his uniform washed before the stains started to spawn new life, he could swear he'd seen one twitch a second ago.

Iruka hadn't been home since the morning before, the medical ninjas had managed to keep him sleeping until eight o'clock, at which point his internal 'oh shit I'm late for work' alarm had gone off. After some frantic arm flailing and heavy bargaining with the head medic he managed to talk his way off the ward, having swallowed a lot of nasty pills and promising to take it easy for the next week.

Of course, to this promise he applied the ninja theory of relativity, and indeed going to work as normal was a lot easier that getting attacked by another ninken, so he was being as good as his word.

Luckily he was still running on that strange delirious energy that sleep deprivation sometimes provides, he knew the crash was coming but was quite content to have future Iruka punished for present Iruka's stupidity.

Never the less when he finally reached the end of the little mud track and approached his splintering front gate it was with a sense of great relief.

Relativity didn't stand up well against team Konohamaru.

The Umino family home was a modest and slightly unusual place as has been mentioned, but to the drained chunin there was no better place to come back to (Ichimaru's being a close second of course)

Ahead of Iruka a badly paved path wound its way up through a garden that would look, to the casual observer, to be in a state of horticultural schizophrenia. The grass was wild and invasive spreading in uneven clumps, punctuated with thorny little wild flowers, up to the edge of a vine wrapped porch where it swarmed upwards at the wood like a besieging army. It was clear, however, that valiant attempts to tame the feral plant life had been made, several defiant little vegetable patches stood out at sporadic intervals amidst the sea of green and brightly blooming pot plants had been set in a row against the fence. Over all of this hung a thick rope washing line, stretching from a corner of the porch-frame to a high fence post at the other side, its little coloured pegs rattling in the breeze.

Iruka let out a happy little sigh as he stumbled up the porch steps, dragging a big bundle of keys from his pocket and resolutely ignoring the horrible sticky something they were now coated in (the kids would pay dearly on Monday).

The hallway inside was cool and dark, and even the slightly musty smell soothing in its familiarity. Iruka slipped off his shoes and turned into the first doorway on his left, collapsing down at the kitchen table beyond.

Fe-ew.

At least twelve hours of complete nothing stretched ahead of him.

Blissful, blood free nothing.

Because really, what were the chances of something else going wrong…?

* * *

"Hhhhffp" 

The Gondaime Hokage exhaled noisily as she thumbed through Kakashi's report, chin propped on one hand and a look of utter disinterest covering her flawless face. Of course Kakashi knew that she was in actuality drinking in his every scribble with careful attention, but he appreciated the gesture. It didn't do for a Hokage to look like they were working too hard, it put people on edge.

"No leads at all on the culprit?" she asked at last, giving Kakashi a most unimpressed look over the top of his notes.

"None, other than to say they must be a ninja of considerable rank, in light of that very fact" Kakashi drawled. "If there was anything to find we would have" he flicked idly at the rain splashed windowsill while he spoke, choosing as was his habit to lurk at the edge of the room rather than stand in centre and face his Hokage like procedure dictated.

"This couldn't have come at a worse time" she sighed, leaning back in her chair and glaring up at the ceiling. "Given our current situation I will have to view this as an attempt to disrupt Konoha's communication chain, I just can't take the chance that it was isolated or.. personal"

One of the problems with being infamous was that people seemed to assume every little attempt on your life (or life of your ninken) was a vendetta of some sort, whatever happened to random and senseless violence? He couldn't have more than Five or Six _mortal_ enemies at the most, and some of them were enemies of the whole village so surely didn't count.

"I doubt information was the target" he said. "As you'll see Tsume considered the wounds to be excessive, the fight was purposefully drawn out but in all that time the attacker never took the scroll. I don't see how it would be to an enemies advantage to torture a summon without even retrieving its cargo - if the objective was to send us a warning they could have just captured a scout with far less effort. I think we are dealing with a rogue, but that doesn't mean they still can't cause a lot of trouble for us, and unwanted attention .. whatever the motive"

Tsunade smiled mirthlessly "You're assuming that all our enemies are sane Hatake"

Kakashi gave a little snort of assent. As a former team mate of Orochi-CooKooBananas-maru, the Hokage made a good point.

"I'll agree a rogue is most likely but I'm not taking any chances - ANBU are on full dispatch, I've sent recon to the borders, it could be that whoever's responsible has visited other nations before us. Until we get some more concrete evidence I'm assigning all high security messengers an escort" Tsunade fixed him with a stern look.

"And I don't want you back out yet, you're a mess and we'll need you at full strength before you tackle this" She waved her hand as Kakashi made to protest "Given our complete lack of information I expect you will be suitably recovered before we catch up to them.. but then again I know you are beyond such petty principles as revenge anyway" as she finished her mouth twitched into a small smirk.

Kakashi remained impassive. Yes, in principle he was, but well, if the guy needed cutting into ribbons _anyway_ why shouldn't he be the one who got to do it? Slowly.. with a blunt kunai..

The Hokage sighed "Just a week Hatake, let that damn eye alone for a while and maybe I won't end up having to save your sorry ass.. again"

"It's as if you don't enjoy our time together" Kakashi sighed, finally turning one drooping eye in his Hokage's direction.

Tsunade's look was not reassuring "Go and look after your dog Hatake, we both know your mind won't be fully on the mission until you do"

Kakashi would have liked to make a retort to this insulting suggestion, well actually more of a hand gesture, but since the Hokage was known for snapping off any fingers raised offensively in her presence, he contented himself in using far over the required amount of smoke as he teleported out of the office.

Already miles away from his Hokage's angry coughs, the copy ninja flitted over the Konoha rooftops towards his apartment, eager to reassess his ninken's condition.

When he had received Tsunade's summons Isamu was still completely out and he had left him splayed on his bed with Pakkun keeping watch.

He knew that once Isamu awoke and told him exactly what he remembered the Hokage would have no choice but to put Kakashi out on mission, as his ninken would most likely prove instrumental in the capture of his attacker. But while he remained unconscious Kakashi had to grudgingly agree that the best place for him was probably at Isamu's side, ready to collect the vital information from him when he came round.

Kakashi's apartment was in one of the higher, more remote shinobi housing blocks, but having lived there since the tender age of six he made the complicated leap from a nearby shop roof to the street lamp opposite finishing with a swing onto the window ledge without so much as a pause. He would have done this even if he didn't know the route so well, being a genius ninja and all, but you get the point.

He slid the glass back in eased silence and dropped into the dark room.

….

Something was very wrong.

The bed was empty and there was no sign of either dog in the apartment.

Kakashi's pulse drummed up in his ears as his eyes swept over and over the shadowy space. Pakkun wouldn't have left willingly, had the attacker tracked Isamu to the village and finished what they started? Or could the injured ninken have just woken, ended his summon immediately and Pakkun had gone back to reassure him.. but in that case he would have left some sign for Kakashi, knowing how the copy ninja tended to assume the worst.

As he stood in frozen speculation a tiny noise sounded in the kitchen area to his right.

Dear sweet Kami, if the bastard was stupid enough to stay at the scene of the crime, or maybe even think they could ambush him (him!), then they were going to be god damned _puppy kibble_ by the time Kakashi got through with them.

He crept in full shinobi stalk mode towards the odd rattling, which seemed, perplexingly, to be coming from his fridge. Well he had already theorised that the ninja was probably wacko, maybe this extended to their choice of hiding places..

His gloved hand hovered over the handle as the sharingan checked for possible traps - but closed tightly and jerked the door open when it found none.

……

……

Pakkun waved a little frosty paw at Kakashi from his current position; suspended below the vegetable rack by a long length of yellow dog hair.

"Yo boss. Brats up"

* * *

Iruka stepped tentatively out onto the porch, hoping that his ninja training would allow him to correctly judge the position of the steps, since his view was obscured by the huge pile of washing clutched in his arms. 

The 'doing nothing' hadn't lasted very long, mostly because the smell of his uniform was too off putting for him to properly pass out.

Now dressed in an old t shirt and shabby green shorts that he had discovered in the bottom of his wardrobe (he knew he had more clothes.. he just wasn't exactly sure _where._ He really had to get more organised one of these days..) he'd cleaned not only his uniform but his bedspreads, towels, sofa covers and a dishcloth, which, he had realised, were all in various stages of ick.

He had meant to get round to his housekeeping sooner.. but he was always so _busy_ - what with school and reports and Naruto and .. well, all the other stuff that just seemed to pop up. Then the next thing he knew the sink was growing mould and Iruka was having to make excuses not to let Tsubaki-chan inside when she visited so she wouldn't see (and kick his butt because of) the mess.

He stared suspiciously up at the sparkling blue sky as he crossed the lawn and began to hang up his cargo. Was it trying to coax him into a false sense of security maybe? Well it wasn't happening! He was going to sit on the porch and the moment he spotted just one _sliver_ of grey he was bringing his things back indoors. Take that, nature.

There was a pleasant breeze weaving through the garden and when he had finished Iruka stood back and watched his sheets flap soothingly to and fro, feeling a lot better for the (insanely overdue) domestic blitz.

The air was warm and fresh on his face and the scent of flowers rose from the damp of the earlier rains, helping to clear his addled senses.

Somewhere off in the forest a chime clinked.

So peaceful.

….

Out of the corner of his eye Iruka saw a flash of yellow.

Hm?

Turning Iruka peered at the far end of the washing line where his blue bed spread was waving languidly. As it rose he glimpse it again, a bright yellow something just behind in the other side of the garden. But before Iruka could get a good look the wind lulled and the cloth drooped back down, obscuring it from view.

Iruka shuffled a bit closer, blinking tiredly at the line. His brain was telling him he had in fact recognised the 'something', and could he just wait one second while all the necessary synapses connected-

From behind the sheets there came a long, low snarl.

Oh god no..

Somewhere up above in the sky the first thunder of the evening rolled.

* * *

Not worth the wait was it? 

Next update to come in five or six years max


End file.
